Self-Differentiated Leader and Crucial Conversations

Effective leadership is an emotional process of regulating one’s own anxiety because when it comes down to it, there are many hard decisions that a good leader has to make. It’s important to recognize that not everyone will always be satisfied with a leader, and it’s unrealistic to expect to please everyone all the time. Leaders must be able to regulate their own anxiety in order to keep a stable environment and make the best decisions for the organization rather for individuals. This means being a self-differentiated leader.

Self-differentiated leaders will stay connected with their team but also ultimately try to make the best decisions for the group even if not everyone agrees. They are equivalent to the emotional immune system of the organization because they are ensuring that the goals continue to be the focus regardless of others opinions. Keeping emotions at bay and looking towards the best solutions. This emotional stability is crucial for making well-considered decisions and leading others effectively.

Crucial conversations are high stakes conversations with high emotions and different opinions. They are necessary in order to achieve the desired results. During these crucial conversations the leader must set the tone for respectful and open communication. This is also when self differentiation comes into play in order to successfully have these crucial conversations in an effective manner. A strategy is necessary in order to have these crucial conversations due to all of the factors that go into them. Crucial conversations cannot occur without some sort of preparation or thought beforehand.

To give my innovation plan the best chance of success, I need to develop as a self-differentiated leader. This starts with managing my emotions effectively, particularly during crucial conversations. Crucial conversations occur every day in a school setting. As a leader in implementing my innovation plan, I must be comfortable and confident when having these high-stake conversations.

Starting with the Heart- To initiate a crucial conversation effectively, I need to keep my true motivations at the forefront of my mind. Ultimately, these conversations are challenging, and heightened emotions can easily divert attention from the end goal. By staying focused on the authentic motivations behind the discussion, I can help prevent the conversation from escalating and keep it on track.

Learning to Look- Entering these conversations, I understand that they may not always unfold as I hope. Therefore, it's crucial to watch for signs that the discussion may need to pause and resume later. Effective conversations can’t happen if emotions are too high or if someone disengages from the discussion.

Making it safe- Creating change can sometimes lead others to feel that we are dismissing their past efforts, which can escalate emotions. If conversations become difficult, it may be because participants feel attacked or unsafe. Effective dialogue cannot happen in an unsafe environment.In those cases, it's better to pause the conversation and plan to resume it later with a refocus goal in mind. As a leader, it's essential to maintain respect and ensure a safe space for open discussion.   

Mastering your stories- A leader must look inward as well as outward. We need to manage our own emotions during these conversations, no matter what might be influencing them. It’s crucial to focus on the facts and ensure they are clearly stated and agreed upon. Keeping the shared goal in mind and working towards it based on facts helps maintain effective dialogue.

State my path- While presenting my facts, I should also share my story and encourage collaboration on ways to improve. The conversation should be open, with everyone participating and working together towards our shared goal.

Explore others’ Paths- At this point, I will invite others to share their paths and stories. I will listen attentively, reflect their emotions to show understanding, paraphrase their points for clarity, and ask questions to ensure mutual understanding.

Move to Action- This final step involves making decisions and committing to whatever is agreed upon. Ensuring there is a clear understanding of what the decision is and what is required to follow through with it. 

As I continue to develop as a self-differentiated leader, I must always keep the end goal in mind. Having crucial conversations will be vital for developing as a self-differentiated leader and ensuring my innovation plan's successful implementation.

References

Grenny, J., Patterson, K., Maxfield, D., McMillan, R., Switzler, A. (2013). Influencer: The new science of leading change. (2nd edition). New York: McGraw Hill Education.